While I started this blog at 4am yesterday, I really didn't have the intention of blogging for the general Datingish community. But since I've read and commiserated with so many entries in the past, I figure it's time to give back. Hello everyone, and thanks for reading.
I think this topic has been brought up a dozen times already, but it's something that has me worried as I will soon be visiting the 'rents. I've been dating my bf for about 3 years now, and due to horribly backwards Asian culture I have always played down the relationship for my parents. For the longest time in high school and even college I didn't think they could even fathom me seriously dating anyone, so I carried on my relationship only briefly mentioning it to my parents when they asked. "Are there any nice boys around in college?" my mom would pseudo-innocently pry. "Umm... well, there is this guy that lives down the hall; we hang out a lot together," I would say. Fast forward 3 years, with me graduated and working full-time, him still finishing up school because of an academic hiccup in the past. I can tell my parents are getting increasingly concerned that I am still with him, and everytime I call them they push me a little farther. "Why didn't he graduate like all of your other friends? What does he want to do with his life? What you two have isn't really love, " blah blah blah. After a few of those conversations I get so angry with my mom I just want to scream.
I guess she's worried about a couple things in particular. My bf and I really "grew into" our relationship over the years, so it wasn't love-at-first-sight or anything. However, we get along famously, so much so that it has been challenging to distinguish ourselves seperately from the 'entity' that our friends sometimes see us as. (It's gotten better now that we lead seperate lives instead of sharing the same work/living space in college.) But Mother really doesn't think "growing into" a relationship counts as love, nor does she view the fact that he's taking a little longer to complete college as anything except academic failure. Success, particuarly work-related success, is like the holy-grail of Asian values. If you're anything but aspiring to become a lawyer, doctor, or PhD, your net worth just took a nosedive in front of my parents.
I've dodged and fought my way with my parents on this issue before, but the battle is set this xmas and it's going to be rough... so dear Datingish community, any thoughts on how I can manuver my way out of this hard place without raising hell over the dinner table? How can I tell my parents that what they value in a significant other isn't completely aligned in my book?